Short version: shoes off, greet the older people first, eat what you are given, ask before photographing anyone, and do not feel obliged to keep up with the rice wine.
Two of your nights on the loop are in homestays — Dong Van and Du Gia on the three-day tour. These are family houses that take guests, not guesthouses with a family attached. Nobody will correct you if you get something wrong, which is exactly why it is worth knowing.
Arriving
Shoes come off at the door, every time, including if you are only going in for a minute. There will be sandals to borrow. Greet whoever is oldest in the room first, even if the person who speaks English is standing next to you — a nod and a smile is plenty.
Keep your bag in the sleeping area rather than spread across a common room. Most homestays put guests in a shared room with mattresses and mosquito nets, two to four people in the rooms we use.
Eating
Dinner is served in the middle of the table and everyone reaches. Take a little of everything rather than a lot of one thing, and use the serving spoon if there is one. Wait for the oldest person to start.
Tell us in advance if you are vegetarian or have an allergy and the kitchen will cook for it — that is a normal request and easily arranged, but not at the moment the food arrives.
Do not stand your chopsticks upright in a bowl of rice. It resembles incense at a family altar and reads badly. Rest them across the bowl instead.
The rice wine
Corn wine will come out after dinner and it will be offered generously. Taking the first glass is a courtesy and worth doing. After that you may stop, and the way to stop is to keep your glass full rather than empty — an empty glass is an invitation. A hand over the top of it and a smile is understood everywhere.
It is stronger than it tastes, you are on a motorbike in the morning, and nobody is judging you.
Photographs
Ask before you photograph a person, especially children and especially anyone in traditional dress. A gesture at the camera and a raised eyebrow does the job. If someone says no, or looks uncertain, that is a no.
Do not photograph inside a house without asking, and do not photograph family altars at all.
Small things that are noticed
- Keep your voice down after about ten o'clock. The family is asleep behind a thin wall and up before you.
- Hot water is limited and shared. Short showers.
- Pass and receive things — money, a glass, a phone — with two hands, or with your right hand and your left touching your forearm.
- Put your rubbish in a bag and carry it out. Collection up here is not what it is in Ha Noi.
Buying and tipping
If a family sells something they have made — linen at Lung Tam, silver at Lao Xa — buying it is a good thing to do, and bargaining hard over a few dollars is not. Tips for the guides and riders are optional and appreciated; five to seven dollars a person per day is the usual figure if you want one.
